I was really feeling my father today.
He weighed heavy on my spirit.
It isn’t his birthday
Nor is it
The anniversary of his death.
True, Father’s Day was last week but
Since I have become a father
The focus has shifted …
I am the one who gets the praise
At least, directly …
So what gives?!?
I didn’t know …
Couldn’t stop crying
Not the ugly cry
Just the quiet tears that travel from the heart
To the brain then
Stream down a straight face
The cleansing tears
I thought I even saw him today
Though he’s been gone for almost
I thought I saw him!
Hmpf … funny … I see my grief
Has almost reached adulthood.
Couple more years and I’ll have to call it
“Mister” Grief …
Gotta give ‘em his respect.
But I don’t have to give ‘em my power.
Or my joy.
Smack! Dab! In the middle of the day
To take my oldest daughter to the movies.
She deserved it
A father could ask for nothing more in
or from a daughter.
But Dad still weighed on me.
Sometimes I feel like I’m losing him …
Like he’s slipping away from me …
The vicissitudes of life cause him to
Fall from my mind
Yet I still feel guilty about it
Though I know that I have done nothing wrong …
He showed up!
I saw him in the reflection
When I glanced
Ever so quickly
in my daughter’s eye …
And he was me.
He showed up in the eyes of a child
Who has never laid eyes on him …
Just to let me know
He loves me.
All in the Blink of an Eye © 2010 by Wendell F. Phillips