I was really feeling my father today.

He weighed heavy on my spirit. 

It isn’t his birthday

Nor is it

The anniversary of his death.

True, Father’s Day was last week but

Since I have become a father

The focus has shifted …

I am the one who gets the praise

At least, directly …

So what gives?!?

I didn’t know …

Couldn’t stop crying

Not Boo-Hooing

Not the ugly cry

Just the quiet tears that travel from the heart

To the brain then

Stream down a straight face

The cleansing tears

 

I thought I even saw him today

Though he’s been gone for almost

18 years

I thought I saw him!

Hmpf … funny … I see my grief

Has almost reached adulthood.

Couple more years and I’ll have to call it

“Mister” Grief …

Gotta give ‘em his respect.

But I don’t have to give ‘em my power.

Or my joy.

So today!

Smack! Dab! In the middle of the day

I put

EveryTHING

EveryONE

On hold

To take my oldest daughter to the movies.

She deserved it

A father could ask for nothing more in

or from a daughter.

 

 

But Dad still weighed on me.

Sometimes I feel like I’m losing him …

Like he’s slipping away from me …

The vicissitudes of life cause him to

Fall from my mind

Albeit momentarily

Yet I still feel guilty about it

Though I know that I have done nothing wrong …

 

But Then…

He showed up! 

I saw him in the reflection

When I glanced

Ever so quickly

 in my daughter’s eye …

And he was me.

He showed up in the eyes of a child

Who has never laid eyes on him …

Just to let me know

He loves me.

Still.

 

All in the Blink of an Eye © 2010 by Wendell F. Phillips